In news you don't give two hairy fucks about, I just lit a tea towel on fire. I used it to pick up a kettle I'd set on the stove and I smell something like roasting marshmallows. I set the kettle down and this towel has burst into flames on one side. I doused it before I could light anything else, myself included, thank God, but the kitchen still smells vaugley like burning sugar. I'm going to go drink my tea and try not to have a panic attack.