[personal profile] arsgloria
Don't read this while eating, please.

I don't understand what the problem is with Subway men's rooms. When I worked at a Subway restaurant last summer, I sometimes had to clean the bathroom. Hell, sometimes I volunteered, since very few other people actually did anything but sit around waiting for someone to notice they'd vanished for 15 minutes whenever they got that particular chore. I've always felt that restaurants in particular needed clean bathrooms, so I always made an extra effort to make sure ours at least didn't reek.

Yet, the men's room always smelled like ass, before and after cleaning-only after it smelled like slightly cleaner, vaguely bleached ass.

I really don't understand it.

The special "bathroom cleaner" we used was basically frothy bleach. I scrubbed that bathroom down from top to bottom. It took me twice the time to clean the men's room that it did the women's and the women's never had this problem. Other than the urinal, the only difference between the two bathrooms was that one smelled like nothing much and the other stank like someone had preformed the Monty Python fish slap dance in it, with the most rotten, half-desiccated carp corpses they could find.

Until, anyway, someone cleaned it, and it smelled like bleach-covered deathfish.

Why do I bring this up, you may ask? Why do I even care? I went to Subway, tonight, since I missed dinner in the caf, and I decided to wash my hands, first.

I accidentally went into the men's room.

They'd understandably left the toilet seat up, but that's not how I knew I'd gone into the wrong room. The familiar stench hit me right upside the head, knocked down my olfactory nerve and had its merry way with it. I've never been trolled by a scent before, but that...I swear to God, I've never hauled ass out of a room so fast since the last time a tornado hit and I had to dash for the basement.

What the fuck, guys? How does this happen? Does your manly essence just leak from your pores and nestle into the walls? Did someone pee on the ceiling just to mess with me and the other hapless people who frequent Subway? Does someone or something do this just to get back at the fast food culture that's overtaken our nation by slipping nasties in the air vents where we can't get to them? Do you just hate Jared or those annoying five dollar footlong commercials and have decided to take it out on the innocent who just want a for-fuck's-sake sandwich? Why do you hate freedom?

I can only say that I'm going to watch very carefully what bathroom I go into, next time I'm out in public.



August 2010

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